She's Anti-Social
She's Anti-Social
How Walking Away from Social Media in Postpartum Led Me to Walk 12,000+ Steps a Day
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I first realized that my phone was starting to become a problem in my motherhood when my 2-year-old son said “Mommy, phone off!” These were devastating words to hear, especially since I tried so hard to balance his screentime, only to find out it was my screentime that was the bigger problem.
I'm an elder millennial, meaning we are the ones who created this problem. I was a freshman in college when “The Facebook” popped up, for college students only. Never had I been so proud to have a college email. We all desperately switched our AIM away messages and MySpace pages over to this new gem.
The first iPhones and Blackberries started popping up over the next few years, and then it was off to the races. We all barely knew what was happening and quickly left our 90s childhoods in the dust.
20 years later, I am a wannabe mompreneur on Instagram with 3 different accounts, 2 blogs, a YouTube channel, two kids under two, and postpartum anxiety to boot. What. A. Mess.
I took my first social media break in 2020 (can’t imagine why…). With the world shut down and everyone spending even more time online, which at the time seemed impossible, yet we all managed, emotions were at an extreme high battling the pandemic overload and a contentious election cycle. I found the snooze button on Facebook and used it liberally. My husband and I took off on a long road trip to visit my parents, and I took my first break. I spent two whole weeks off of social media. It was bliss! I didn’t know what I was or wasn’t missing - the true definition of ignorance is bliss.
2021 found me pregnant with my first son, and back on the East Coast with my parents as my husband took a short-term job in South Carolina. Once again, I found peace in being present with my parents and not spending time scrolling on social media. We played Yahtzee, went on walks (important for later), and watched the entire Marvel series from Iron Man to Endgame, one movie a night. It was the best time I’ve spent with my parents in a long time.
This trend of social media breaks here and there continued on ever since, especially into motherhood. I’d find myself scouring the internet for solutions to my motherhood woes at 3 am when I had insomnia after a night feed, my babe has long gone back to sleep. The late-night scrolling made the insomnia even worse, and my anxiety followed. I sometimes was served up problems I didn’t even know I had just so some other mompreneur on Instagram could sell me her solution. Every once in a while, after a bad scroll sesh, I’d take a week or so off of social media.
The biggest revelation and break came after my second son was born in the fall of 2023. I’m deep in postpartum anxiety while also dealing with a load of health problems that two back-to-back pregnancies surely escalated. And so back to my parent’s house, we went (bless them). We stayed for 2 months this time, and I took my longest social media break ever.
Leading up to this break, I had been desperately grasping onto my old life - work-from-home entrepreneur, yogi, and creative. I got lost in the world of online businesses, influencers, and social media craze. I couldn’t find direction or purpose - I shifted my blog name and niche 3 times, I kept working on my blogs while my baby was nursing and my parents entertained my two-year-old. At this time, I was also experiencing what turned out to be the worst Crohn’s disease flare-up of my life.
I was anxious, lost, desperate, confused, ill, weak. There are so many words for this time. Scared is probably the most descriptive.
And in the past when scared, I have started walking.
My life has always been very loosely surrounded by movement. We were an Army family who moved to a new home every 1-2 years for my entire childhood. We were also a family who went on outings - day trips, road trips, drives, walks, hikes - we were always doing things together. I recall being so annoyed by this as a 13-year-old, but I’m grateful for this foundation now in adulthood for it led to many years of hiking and now, in motherhood, daily walks.
During this long postpartum visit to my parents' house, whenever I felt well enough, we went for a walk. We’d walk around the horse stables on the air force base, or walk around the large hangers at the Air Museum. We strolled around the Georgia National Fairgrounds in Perry and walked along the boardwalk over the marsh at the Rotary Centennial Park. I wasn’t able to do this every day, depending on how strong I was feeling, but each walk began to bookmark core memories in this season of my life.
Eventually, we returned home to Nevada. I had a new doctor I was working with to restore my gut to health, and a new plan to power into motherhood back home without my parents' help. A big part of being able to do this has been remaining off of social media and continuing to walk daily.
I write a lot about quitting social media, what that looks like for me in motherhood, and how others may do it to, but here’s how I would summarize my reasoning - I felt like I was constantly chasing some dreamlife that the internet sold to me and told me that I wanted, and I bought into it without my permission. The mind virus got me. It wasn’t authentically me, it’s not truly what I wanted. Whenever I took a detox break, I immediately felt more free, at peace, more productive, and more vivacious.
With so much time in my day not spent scrolling, I found an old familiar way to fill the hours. I started taking the boys on long daily walks, which was also part of my new healing protocol. We started with 30 minutes a day, then worked up to 45 minutes a day, weaving in and out of the streets and cul-de-sacs in our old-town Las Vegas neighborhood. Sometimes I would listen to an audiobook or podcast, other times I’d just breathe and take in the lovely Vegas spring weather. Some walks were easy and the boys would nap, others would be cut short by a fussy baby or a dirty diaper. No matter what happened, I went out the door and got that walk in.
Walking changes in the summer here, for obvious reasons, so we moved in indoors. We walked around museums, malls, and Ikea. Eventually, I was able to sneak away in the early morning hours, after the morning feeding and before breakfast, to walk alone before the heat overcame us. These solo walks are where the magic began to happen. I started to find myself again. I prayed, and I listened for responses. I pondered the existence of my children. My mind wrapped itself around my entire postpartum experience and where it had brought me.
On a recent walk, I was reminiscing about my hiking days. In my late 20s, I took up hiking in red Rock Canyon just outside of Las Vegas. The desert views are indescribable, the air crisp and clean, the feeling of being in nature unmatched. I explored the entire southwest, adding notches to my belt from Sedona, Arches National Park, Zion National Park, Bryce Canyon, and more. On one solo hiking trip to Moab, Utah, I had a profound spiritual awakening on a hike. It wasn’t an extraordinary hike, but it was a bit challenging. I recognized that there was a certain excited fear going into the hike, not knowing what leaps and bounds (literally) I would come across. And then I paid close attention to my feelings on the way back out, which were completely different. Accomplished. Proud. Confident. I had already walked this path so I no longer had any fear.
This realization has always stuck with me, even though my walks are much simpler now. I can still see what I’m walking toward, and what I’ve come from. I’ve come from postpartum depression, mom guilt, and severe illness. I’ve overcome identity crisis, matresence, and hormonal shifts. We’ve battled breastfeeding, healing, and big life changes. We’ve had ups and downs in our marriage, but we keep coming out stronger.
As I continue to walk with my boys, I easily hit 12,000-13,000 steps a day. I’m sure I’ll be closer to 20,000 when the nicer weather comes. But more importantly than the number of steps and the health benefits we are all receiving, I am freeing myself from, well, myself. Every step is a forward direction toward the me I’m becoming. I don’t leave the old me behind per se, she is a part of every step that has brought me to where I am today.
And so I continue to stay off of social media and trudge forward, one step at a time.
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