40 Comments

As always, a wonderful and practical guide in how to become less dependent on digital tech and more thoughtful about how we will continue to use it. And this could not have come at a more appropriate time for my family.

This weekend we actually completed a rearrangement of our main living space. There is no longer a TV in that space and we are deliberately calling it our library. We've arranged several bookshelves in the space, set up a writing desk and created a more deliberate space for our record player. We've also decorated the mantle (to a non-functioning fireplace) with beautiful art and trinkets. So instead of a space to mindlessly watch TV, the space is now a designated "screen-free zone" and is lined with books and nice things to look at.

The change has been slow and we have slipped already but the space feels more calm and I'm sure will prove to be a delightful lasting change.

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Derek, wonderful to hear that you have already re-created your living space. It will be harder for the adults to get used to this different space, but your children will grow to know it as their normal home environment. And that is the wonderful part:)

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In a series of lectures give by Orthodox priest and monk, Fr. Maximos Constas, he talks about how the secular (non-monk) primarily deals with *things* and how the monk primarily deals with *ideas*. The ascetical framework, then, must, in very real ways, be stronger for the more challenging prospect of moving in and handling abstracted thoughts and values.

I see an analog to our current age. In this digital, increasingly abstracted moment, we are finding things to be so much more challenging as our interior worlds crumble, unable to stand up against the onslaught of ideas presented to us via abstracted, digitized channels. So your suggestion of arranging *physical* space to nurture and focus interior faculties strikes me as being exactly the right move. The right ordering of and engagement with the physical trains our interior and strengthens us for the challenge. I think this is more important now than ever, not as a way of escaping the digital age, but as actually having a chance of choosing or not choosing it rather than being swallowed whole by it.

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Thanks for your thoughtful comment Nate. "The right ordering of and engagement with the physical trains our interior and strengthens us for the challenge" - well-said and I fully agree. We cannot hope to escape to a monastery to resist temptation, we need to create living monasteries within each of our homes. My husband was commenting that our home is starting to take on the look of a medieval scriptorium, people writing and rows of books where ever you look.

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If someone could ever walk in and compare my home to a medieval scriptorium, I’d die happy. Please, God 😆

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Haha, well I am pretty sure that they did not have IKEA bookshelves back then and we also do not chain our most valued books to the table, although I do use dip ink made by medieval methods (from my hometown Basel) at times :)

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Delighted to hear that your children successfully shared a room for so long as this is also what’s happening in our house. I keep wondering how much longer we can make it work but you give me hope it may be several years! Lovely piece and useful ideas, thank you.

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We spend a few summer weeks each year with my mom in Switzerland. She has a one-bedroom apartment, which means that the kids and I sleep on various mattresses and sofas in the small living room with literally only a narrow walking space along the edge of the room (my husband stays with my brother nearby). The experience is trying, but we adjust and take advantage for the wonderful outdoors. When we return home, our house always seems like a luxurious palace - it's all in the perspective...Our two boys (11 and 15) had still shared a room until this summer, so yes there is hope.

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This is all very encouraging. It sounds a bit like the Julia Donaldson book A Squash and a Squeeze, where the old woman adds various farm animals to her tiny home, and when she gets rid of them all it feels miraculously palatial!

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my 3 kids shared a room (girl and 2 boys) until my daughter's sophomore year of high school when we built a studio for her in our back yard. (our house is very small with 2 bedrooms) The boys continued to share till the older one left home for College.

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This is wonderful because it cuts the heart of the matter. It’s not just about a digital detox, it’s about building a lifestyle in which you no longer even need to detox because your digital habits are in proper order. And you provided practical suggestions for how to create screen-free spaces! Absolutely love this!

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This is the first article I’ve read from you and I loved it. Thank you for writing such a clear and compelling piece and highlighting scaffolding. With deep appreciation.

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Welcome Helen :) If you appreciated this, you may also like "From Feeding Moloch...", "Rehabilitating Ferals of the Digital Age", and "The Great Forgetting". I hope you'll find encouragement to swim against the stream....

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Get rid of the TV. That’s the most important step. I haven’t had a TV since 2008. I used to work in tech. My brother who still works in tech doesn’t have TV either. When you don’t have TV, you never turn it on even in hotel rooms when you travel. I use the TV in hotel rooms for drying socks and underwear that I wash in the bathroom.

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Agreed. We didn't have any tech whatsoever in our home from 2000 to 2005 and I have never read so much in my life. Haha - sock and underwear dryer, now there is a new use!

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Lots of commentary on this topic, but you're the first person I have read to get close to raising the question of where the altar in our home is. I've often wondered - what will archaeologists in 1000 years conclude about our devotions, objects of worship, and religious practices simply by looking at what is at the physical center of 95% of our living spaces?

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To me there always felt something intrinsically off about a giant black screen at the center of the home. How can we help but be drawn into it, if we ascribe it a place of pivotal importance?

Also, just a note to let you know that I read your post about lessons in leadership to my 11 year old this morning, who found it very interesting.

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My husband just down(up?)graded to a dumb phone. I’m proud of him and inspired. Relearning the old t9😁

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That is most definitely an upgrade! This is actually a wonderful anachronistic change that draws people's attention and can get them to reflect. Imagine noting to friends and family, "Hey check it out, I just upgraded my phone" - this could start at trend....

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Yes. Love it. We are so influenced by each other’s choices, more than we consciously realize I think

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Love your footnote :) That's exactly what we've been doing for the last 3 years, my wife started homeschooling and we live on my income. It's the best decision we've ever made, it's better for everyone. And for the last 3 months I have been able to work completely from home, so I have the advantage of seeing my family during the day. I think putting family first is the best thing a family can do. Yes, we have less money, but we are together and have less stress, and we see that our children benefit greatly as well.

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Wonderful that you are able to spend so much time together as a family! Having spent the last 17 years homemaking, I can affirm that the focus on placing family first has lasting benefits, especially when children enter their teenage years.

Also, I read your moving testimony, and thought you would find my husband's recent interview with Ellis Potter (Zen Buddhist turned Christian Pastor) of interest https://pilgrimsinthemachine.substack.com/p/zen-christ-and-falling-in-love-inaccurately

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Hi, thanks for reading :)

I have read your husbands post and i love it. Very interesting take and Ellis seems like an interesting person i'm probably going to pick up one of his books in the near future.

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Thank you for such an insightful and informative post. (-:

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“The author suggests that Amish are not “radical” because they chose to shun particular technologies, but rather “because they actually make decisions, rather than allowing the decision to be made for them by something called ‘progress.’””

This reminds me of the work of Jacques Ellul, and I'm curious whether you have interacted with his work.

Beyond that, thank you for sharing some helpful practicals! This is something modern households must wrestle with if we are to really live as free beings.

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Thanks for your suggestion Wayne. I have often come across his name in other essays but have not yet read anything by him. There are so many insightful writers that it is a challenge to dive deeply into anyone's work. For now I am reading Wendell Berry's essays which give much food for thought, am thinking about and observing the lives the Mennonite communities nearby us have built, and am reflecting back on our experiences over the last 15 years in homeschooling our children and creating a family-focused home.

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I totally get it! Wendell Berry is one of those authors who has been on my list for a long time but I struggle to get around to him. I was homeschooled as well, and find myself reflecting on it as my wife and I consider how to raise the family we don't have yet.

If you ever decide to jump into Ellul's work, I recommend staring with his 1948 book “Presence in the Modern World” which serves as an introduction to his life's work. It's really written for those Christians who can't help but think about life as deeply as they can.

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I ditched all what I call “cocaine social media” several years ago. This includes any dopamine hit types like TikTok, snap, games, and anything that “forces” me to check. I have YouTube and substack - YouTube because I write music for several hunting shows that I love. I like having my phone as a camera and still tend toward texting a lot. We rarely watch TV (a total of 2 hours per week). I have mild no phone phobia based on that little study! Nature is the absolute necessity in life for this guy - and I love that you focused attention on all the good that comes from digital cleansing.

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Thanks for sharing your experience Jim. With nature as necessity you are certainly immersed in the right kind of environment!

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Love the concept of the focal point of the home. Too often the focal point of the home and even every room is the TV. We opted for no TV in our living room, preferring the fire place with a painting hanging where the previous owners had installed a TV. But with Smartphones the TV becomes irrelevant as we are carrying our facile distraction around at all times, so indeed need to ban devices. We have far to go, but family dinner time is a device free period. . .

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With family dinner as a device-free coming together you already have a solid foundation. Smartphones are the ultimate portable altar and the most pernicious distractors. My next post will address this conundrum in a bit more detail and will hopefully offer encouragement.

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Wise, wise words. Thank you!

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Ruth, you put FOUR Carl Larsson pictures into this post! This is the most comforting online anything I have seen in months, if not years. And yes, am going into your archive as a spelunking adventure of calming work in a molochian world. A balm for a ragged mind. Thank you!

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Thanks Helen :) Happy to provide some comfort and encouragement. I loved discovering Larsson and his wonderful domestic scenes.

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AppBlock is another good app for controlling phone usage! I’ve been using it with good success.

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Thanks Malori - I have added it to the list:)

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