I arrived here via a Recommendation from Caroline Ross...I'm glad I did! I wholeheartedly believe in limiting one's own screen time/distractions to model such behavior for our children. When my son was two we got rid of television...it was sort of trendy at the time and honestly, my husband and I always had our heads in books while the television jangled in the background, so it made sense.
When our son was supposed to go to school we decided to keep him at home. As an educator myself (I earned an M.Ed. but did not work in the system), I began reading the unschooling philosophies proposed by John Holt. As a result, we allowed our son to pursue his own interests (history and woodworking) with minimal academic interruptions. As Holt puts it, we allowed him as much freedom "as we [were] comfortable." He is now eighteen-years-old, is online less than an hour a day and has never owned a mobile phone. While we did not explicitly intend to create a focused adult, we did exactly that; he is now a professional furniture-maker. At this point, he is the model for us -- as we are both checking our email, etc. constantly. Your advice is spot on...social media is poison, news rarely informs but rather saps us of our time/attention and email, just like 'snail mail' need only be checked once-a-day and everything will run along just as smoothly.
Thanks for sharing your story Jessica. Wonderful to hear that you raised a 'focused adult' - a wonderful gift he will hopefully pass on to his children in the future. I believe it will take ever-increasing effort for the next generations to remain grounded in reality and real relationships. I am planning a post on Weapons of Mass Instruction by John Taylor Gatto soon which will likely resonate with you.
Oh yes, your next essay will certainly resonate with me. It's refreshing to find you - in my little corner of the U.S. very few homeschoolers (honestly, few public school educators) have even heard of John Taylor Gatto. He was born only a few hours from where I live. Brilliant man...he was so invested in revealing the reality of our public school system -- I vividly remember when he had his first stroke, I was in the first few years of really embracing unschooling. Our small blogging community was heartbroken...he was such a bright (honest) light. Looking forward to your essay.
John Holt! Freedom and Beyond! What a great book and a huge influence on how my wife and I, although we sent our son to public school, always encouraged him to think. He’s had issues with his phone but is gradually understanding that everything on it is designed to steal away his time!
I have recently deleted my Instagram and Facebook apps off of my phone. And I am practicing putting my phone far away from me when I am home. I just started doing these things so we will see how they go but at the core of why I am doing this is to be an example to my very young daughter and son Who is on the way and to be as disconnected from the Machine as I can be. I am no longer blissfully ignorant of the machine and how is been distracting me so now if I don’t do anything about it I am responsible and I am taking that seriously. The goal is to be a great husband and great father and above all to be an ambassador for Christ. If staying away from the Machine as much as possible will help me do that, then that’s why I have to do.
The commitment to be an example to your young children will be the one hope they have from escaping the Machine themselves. If we cannot do it, they are lost. Stay strong - it is incredibly hard (as I notice over and over again) but worth the freedom you and your family will gain.
Thank you for this interesting post! Yes, I knew long ago social media was ruining my attention span (and I was only ever on Facebook, but that was bad enough). I read fewer books; I rarely wrote in my blogs. It was also affecting my attitude and relationships: I was quicker to annoyance and anger and had observed that if I knew someone online and in real life, knowing them online made like them *less.* But I didn’t “pull that plug” until I witnessed a family member subjected to an online mob. That was so horrible it seemed to stop all the dopamine rewards in my brain at once and I knew I had to get off.
But that has also opened the question of what to replace it with. Obviously more reading and writing and real life experience. But I do crave the dialogue and connection: for example, before the internet my favourite part of magazines and newspapers was the letters section. I like the commons, having the diversity of perspectives. So on that note I will be adding a link to your blog on mine!
Thanks for your reply and adding my link:) Jon Haidt , who researches the negative effects of social media, reported in his last post how 'pulling the plug' does not necessarily solve the problem for teenagers, as everyone else is still plugged in. https://jonathanhaidt.substack.com/p/social-media-mental-illness-epidemic
This can feel just as isolating. I believe we are made for real-life human relationships and that we all feel a void without them. As we no longer live in small villages with tight neighbourly connections, this takes deliberate and patient effort.
Indeed, and I don’t have answers. My kids are still young, so my goal for now is to connect them to people and community in meaningful ways so they have social skills and an understanding of the real thing. Online *can* be a good thing if you have that foundational knowledge.
Great article, Ruth! I am getting rid of my flip phone this month. I try to set a limit of when I am checking out emails. This is a challenge for me b/c it has become my home phone most of the time. My daughter is allowed to have 15 minutes on the computer daily and extra time if there is a research topic/project that she is engaged in.
These are wonderful practical ways to cut the useless distractions and get back to the real. It's heartening to know that there is a movement happening in some corners of the world to move to the margins. To move at human speed... to disconnect from social medias and "news." My Lent practice this years has too included a cut of "news" and I'm all the better for it. I can't see going back to seeking news every day. I'm less involved in useless conversations and have gained back some silent time. My next goal is to disconnect from all social medias (save Substack). I cut twitter a year ago, Instagram days ago and will figure out how to get rid of Facebook soon. I need to give administrative access to someone else in a non-profit I'm involved with, but I digress...
All this to say, thank you for your essay. I look forward to digging in more.
Derek I am glad to hear that you felt encouraged by the essay. I feel strongly that any change really starts at the family level. So if you as a father are able to shed the shackles of social media, your daughter will have a great role model to follow:) (and it also has a ripple effect on other parents on the playground who may notice that you interact with your child rather than your phone....)
I love that you pointed out some of the shortcomings of Stolen Focus! Hari’s propensity for pointing to societal change, often fails to acknowledge how society is shaped by the ethos of individuals. Thus, if they do not change, nor will the culture that flows from them. It almost feels as though you completed the missing chapter in the book by connecting it to Pilgrim In The Machine’s writings about conviction.
The knowledge that something is harmful is perpetually unpersuasive, because there is so much more tied into bad decision making than simply the mechanisms of distraction. Distraction flows from a deeper spirit of unrest, that may not be eased simply by putting a phone in a box, despite the fact that such practices may be a good start.
Thank you for your thoughtful response. After reading Stolen Focus I felt unsatisfied that Hari offered solutions that would move an individual to actually change their tech dependence. These addictions are pernicious and incredibly hard to step away from unless there is a forceful conviction to address the "deeper spirit of unrest".
Funny that I found this in my inbox while reading Digital Minimalism. Sometimes I feel like God is using every avenue to tell me something. In this case it's to put down my phone.
Good read, one strategy that I use at home is to never leave my cell phone in the same room that I'm in. Over time it really helped me get out of the habit of reaching for my phone out of boredom or when switching from one task to another.
Great article. Thank you for the shout out!
I arrived here via a Recommendation from Caroline Ross...I'm glad I did! I wholeheartedly believe in limiting one's own screen time/distractions to model such behavior for our children. When my son was two we got rid of television...it was sort of trendy at the time and honestly, my husband and I always had our heads in books while the television jangled in the background, so it made sense.
When our son was supposed to go to school we decided to keep him at home. As an educator myself (I earned an M.Ed. but did not work in the system), I began reading the unschooling philosophies proposed by John Holt. As a result, we allowed our son to pursue his own interests (history and woodworking) with minimal academic interruptions. As Holt puts it, we allowed him as much freedom "as we [were] comfortable." He is now eighteen-years-old, is online less than an hour a day and has never owned a mobile phone. While we did not explicitly intend to create a focused adult, we did exactly that; he is now a professional furniture-maker. At this point, he is the model for us -- as we are both checking our email, etc. constantly. Your advice is spot on...social media is poison, news rarely informs but rather saps us of our time/attention and email, just like 'snail mail' need only be checked once-a-day and everything will run along just as smoothly.
Lovely essay...I'm glad to have found you.🙂
Thanks for sharing your story Jessica. Wonderful to hear that you raised a 'focused adult' - a wonderful gift he will hopefully pass on to his children in the future. I believe it will take ever-increasing effort for the next generations to remain grounded in reality and real relationships. I am planning a post on Weapons of Mass Instruction by John Taylor Gatto soon which will likely resonate with you.
Oh yes, your next essay will certainly resonate with me. It's refreshing to find you - in my little corner of the U.S. very few homeschoolers (honestly, few public school educators) have even heard of John Taylor Gatto. He was born only a few hours from where I live. Brilliant man...he was so invested in revealing the reality of our public school system -- I vividly remember when he had his first stroke, I was in the first few years of really embracing unschooling. Our small blogging community was heartbroken...he was such a bright (honest) light. Looking forward to your essay.
John Holt! Freedom and Beyond! What a great book and a huge influence on how my wife and I, although we sent our son to public school, always encouraged him to think. He’s had issues with his phone but is gradually understanding that everything on it is designed to steal away his time!
I have recently deleted my Instagram and Facebook apps off of my phone. And I am practicing putting my phone far away from me when I am home. I just started doing these things so we will see how they go but at the core of why I am doing this is to be an example to my very young daughter and son Who is on the way and to be as disconnected from the Machine as I can be. I am no longer blissfully ignorant of the machine and how is been distracting me so now if I don’t do anything about it I am responsible and I am taking that seriously. The goal is to be a great husband and great father and above all to be an ambassador for Christ. If staying away from the Machine as much as possible will help me do that, then that’s why I have to do.
The commitment to be an example to your young children will be the one hope they have from escaping the Machine themselves. If we cannot do it, they are lost. Stay strong - it is incredibly hard (as I notice over and over again) but worth the freedom you and your family will gain.
Thank you for this interesting post! Yes, I knew long ago social media was ruining my attention span (and I was only ever on Facebook, but that was bad enough). I read fewer books; I rarely wrote in my blogs. It was also affecting my attitude and relationships: I was quicker to annoyance and anger and had observed that if I knew someone online and in real life, knowing them online made like them *less.* But I didn’t “pull that plug” until I witnessed a family member subjected to an online mob. That was so horrible it seemed to stop all the dopamine rewards in my brain at once and I knew I had to get off.
But that has also opened the question of what to replace it with. Obviously more reading and writing and real life experience. But I do crave the dialogue and connection: for example, before the internet my favourite part of magazines and newspapers was the letters section. I like the commons, having the diversity of perspectives. So on that note I will be adding a link to your blog on mine!
Thanks for your reply and adding my link:) Jon Haidt , who researches the negative effects of social media, reported in his last post how 'pulling the plug' does not necessarily solve the problem for teenagers, as everyone else is still plugged in. https://jonathanhaidt.substack.com/p/social-media-mental-illness-epidemic
This can feel just as isolating. I believe we are made for real-life human relationships and that we all feel a void without them. As we no longer live in small villages with tight neighbourly connections, this takes deliberate and patient effort.
Indeed, and I don’t have answers. My kids are still young, so my goal for now is to connect them to people and community in meaningful ways so they have social skills and an understanding of the real thing. Online *can* be a good thing if you have that foundational knowledge.
Great article, Ruth! I am getting rid of my flip phone this month. I try to set a limit of when I am checking out emails. This is a challenge for me b/c it has become my home phone most of the time. My daughter is allowed to have 15 minutes on the computer daily and extra time if there is a research topic/project that she is engaged in.
Kudos to you:) Limiting computer time for kids is a challenge but worth the long-term rewards.
These are wonderful practical ways to cut the useless distractions and get back to the real. It's heartening to know that there is a movement happening in some corners of the world to move to the margins. To move at human speed... to disconnect from social medias and "news." My Lent practice this years has too included a cut of "news" and I'm all the better for it. I can't see going back to seeking news every day. I'm less involved in useless conversations and have gained back some silent time. My next goal is to disconnect from all social medias (save Substack). I cut twitter a year ago, Instagram days ago and will figure out how to get rid of Facebook soon. I need to give administrative access to someone else in a non-profit I'm involved with, but I digress...
All this to say, thank you for your essay. I look forward to digging in more.
Derek I am glad to hear that you felt encouraged by the essay. I feel strongly that any change really starts at the family level. So if you as a father are able to shed the shackles of social media, your daughter will have a great role model to follow:) (and it also has a ripple effect on other parents on the playground who may notice that you interact with your child rather than your phone....)
Ruth, you nailed this!
I love that you pointed out some of the shortcomings of Stolen Focus! Hari’s propensity for pointing to societal change, often fails to acknowledge how society is shaped by the ethos of individuals. Thus, if they do not change, nor will the culture that flows from them. It almost feels as though you completed the missing chapter in the book by connecting it to Pilgrim In The Machine’s writings about conviction.
The knowledge that something is harmful is perpetually unpersuasive, because there is so much more tied into bad decision making than simply the mechanisms of distraction. Distraction flows from a deeper spirit of unrest, that may not be eased simply by putting a phone in a box, despite the fact that such practices may be a good start.
Thank you for your thoughtful response. After reading Stolen Focus I felt unsatisfied that Hari offered solutions that would move an individual to actually change their tech dependence. These addictions are pernicious and incredibly hard to step away from unless there is a forceful conviction to address the "deeper spirit of unrest".
Funny that I found this in my inbox while reading Digital Minimalism. Sometimes I feel like God is using every avenue to tell me something. In this case it's to put down my phone.
Good read, one strategy that I use at home is to never leave my cell phone in the same room that I'm in. Over time it really helped me get out of the habit of reaching for my phone out of boredom or when switching from one task to another.