What a great rundown of ideas for creating intentional community. Where I seem to differ from the norm in these discussions is that I don't really believe in hosting potlucks. I personally love to cook and bake, and happily contribute when I am invited to one, but I have many friends who do not enjoy those activities and I would never want to impose a "chore" on a guest who might enjoy the opportunity to not do the cooking for once. If I need help preparing a spread for a large number of guests, I try to identify one or two willing co-hosts well in advance who can help (I hosted a baby shower this fall and the anticipated baby's grandma split food prep dutiees with me). Of course I always welcome contributions especially of the dessert variety, but I never imply that it's expected. Just my personal hosting preference.
We are hosting a "Twelfth Night" open house this year with some of our more liturgically-minded friends–I realized that all the weekends in December tend to be busy, but the supply of Christmas-y parties dissipates after New Year's– and hope to make this a yearly tradition. I'm hoping to integrate some of the ideas in this post and comments–caroling, read-alouds, and more.
Thanks for sharing Carolyn! I love to cook and bake as well, and when we have just a few guests I love to treat them to a wonderful meal. This year was the first time we invited 30 people, and although I cooked two turkeys, a large ham, potatoes, and three cakes, I still needed some help to ensure that the hungry teenagers would all be fed :) I love your idea of hosting a "Twelfth Night" and am happy that you found some inspring ideas here too. Have a wonderful Christmas!
This is great encouragement! I love all the ideas. A couple of years ago when my husband and I were first married we threw a caroling party on Gaudete Sunday. I was very nervous about it, but it turned out to be such a joyful event, and two of our guests met and were married 8 months later. Now we have gatherings like this much more often, usually to celebrate liturgical holy days that are less celebrated now like all saints. Tomorrow we’re hosting a caroling party again. It’s become a tradition in our community. We usually do potluck style where we make a main dish and other people bring sides and desserts.
Caroling parties are a splendid idea and especially joyful when they result in a marriage match! Now you've inspired me to get the teens together for a caroling walk through the neighbour hood next week :)
Love this, and love being included. You detail some great tips and advice, and I love to see that so many people are doing this. I believe hosting and gathering people together is one of the most real and practical things we can do to spread beauty in our communities. I still actually do this even out of our backpacks -- the call to hospitality never ceases, even when we have no pantry and no dining table to rely on!!
I actually strongly disagree with enforcing the Chatham's house of rules at gatherings for various reasons, but first of all because it feels "woke" to do so. Instead of creating a space where people feel jovial you have to start it off with some "thou shalt nots", and even if people agree with them they feel jilted, judged, and more anxious about everything going forward. I've never been to an event that implements the rules well. However, if you have a gathering that is high trust (even if there are a few strangers that show up), you will experience a natural version of Chatham rules. Perhaps someone will say, "I want to share this in confidence..." and everyone will be more attentive and listen carefully, and cherish those words as if a sacred secret. However, under Chatham House of Rules one makes everything more secretive than it needs to be and then nothing turns out to be all that special. It also kills organic spontaneity, and one will experience the presence of fewer strangers, because now the gathering feels like a cult-club instead of a feast of brethren.
Thanks for that thoughtful comment Keturah! I had added the rule as a suggestion because it was used at the most recent gathering in the Catskills (I had actually never heard of it before). But you make a solid case and I agree that it makes much more sense to develop natural trust instead of a "house rule". It is not something I would have ever suggested at our own gatherings and have thus removed it from the list of considerations. Thanks again :)
This post is just what I've needed. Finally, I've made up my mind to begin my regular dinner gatherings at home. The Saturday Soirée is now one of the things I most excited about in 2025, and I don't think I'll be alone in the feeling once others get to take part in it -- time together around the table, good food and drink, merry conversation, and no phones. I've been craving this!
I loved this post! Inviting people to your home is a form of sharing Christ's love, and your thoughts on the feast share that so well.
A few ideas. Every other year or so, we do a "Cocktails and Cookies" party at our home. We invited friends, neighbors by text or email (one day...we'll do paper when I'm organized!). Then my husband makes a batch of cocktails along with beer and wine. We set out some veggie trays and dips along with a few trays of cookies. Then, we ask others to bring a dessert. Kids are most welcome. It forces us to clean up our house that day! Ha. Then, we turn on a fun playlist and let people hangout...we always run out of food and people stay later than we think because they kids are running around. Keep it as easy as you need! People love to be invited and join.
Love that Matisse. It's my favorite of all his works.
A practical suggestion? A big ol' samovar for self-serve coffee or tea.
Another practical but also playful suggestion: something for guests to open together-- it gives a rhythm to the meeting, a simple shared activity for young and old. English tradition is the paper "crackers" (paper tubes that make a cracking sound when opened, with tiny prizes inside). Chinese fortunate cookies will do. Or homemade versions of the same idea. Piñatas are another option, but may require a bit more trouble and expense. And finally, a few songs (e.g. Christmas carols) to sing, with sheet music with lyrics, is something many people enjoy. In my experience, not everyone will abide more than five songs, however.
For over a year now, my hubby and I have hosted monthly Sunday Supper dinners - so fun to have friends just gather for a meal and conversation. We set a theme for the food and we all pitch in. I think we've had one where no one showed up (so we ordered pizza for ourselves) and our biggest was 34 people (our little house was bursting at the seams!). We enjoy it so much that we'll continue on into 2025.
Thanks for sharing Angie! That sounds like a most wonderful practice to continue in the New Year. We recently had over 30 people for a sit-down dinner and it can indeed make a house burst at the seams:)
Finally got around to reading this, and it gave words to a lot of my dissatisfaction with yesterday's celebration, Christmas. My family doesn't feast well. It's not sad, it's just not that engaged, and the primary event is phones, whatever is on TV, or basic conversation while the youngest (my sister) is upstairs hiding in her room and everyone else is 50+. It's not a terrible experience, but after a year away from home with the most active and lively community I've ever had in my life, I finally understand why holidays always felt so flat for me. We don't feast well, and we've never made an effort to. Seems to me that it's now my responsibility to try and cultivate this.
Thanks for adding your reflection Ryan. I hope you'll find some encouragement here and spread some conviviality among those who may not even realize what they are missing. Blessings to you for the New Year!
My first apartment had room for only two pieces of large furniture. I chose a futon and a big (for one person) dining table. The futon I regret, as it made a bad bed as well as a bad couch, but the table was one of my better decision. It became a gathering place for friends, and even when I was alone, it made the apartment feel like a real home. It was real wood, solid and beautiful, brought lovingly by my father in his pickup truck, and you are right, they are expensive — even though I got it second-hand, I have never spent so much on a piece of furniture! When I had more than a few friends, gatherings became “BYOC” — “bring your own chair.” When I married, the table became our family dining table. Sixteen years and five children later, the table shows a lot of wear and abuse… what to do with a worn but well-loved table now that we have a bigger one, I wonder?
Hello there, this time of year again! I seem to remember last year you posted a pdf of an edited Dickens “Christmas Carol” play. Can you point me in the direction of where to find it again please.🙏
I thought this would be fun for my Boys and their cousins to do at Christmas ☺️
My most joyful hosting events are simple, pre-pared so we can all enjoy each other, and either are a full hosting event (No contributions and Please leave the dishes!) or include others' contributions in the form of food or elbow grease. Typically only family events include others' elbow grease. I may try an event that has a theme -- or a discussion piece.
I relished this post and realized precious table time this afternoon in a festive gathering of friends: five Christian visual artists and four spouses. It was a time of rejoicing how this monthly group (attendance ranging from 2 to 12 artists) came to be, over a decade ago. We invite friends and family for a feast in December, and forgo showing our recent artworks and supportive format. For me, the group is a gift from God. But it also was a niche fit for misfits, and that kind of group has staying power, even without divine influence.
How did this group come to be? Two artists were gallery sitting one long afternoon, discussing how we felt homeless as whole persons: we both were church members and members of local professional arts groups, never feeling we could be fully Christian and fully artists in either venue. We knew others from the secular arts groups feeling the same religious restraint who needed the freedom to fully express our Christian calling and be encouraged. A support group was born!
The usual networking was done after we decided on a meeting time. We started at a coffee place but it was too noisy. Now we meet in two homes with large spaces, alternating between Akron and Canton as participants live in both towns. For years I emailed reminders, and have a Facebook page for events, but now group-text monthly reminders and get a better response. The group is also texted when prayer is needed for one of our members, and this allows us to respond and encourage one another between meetings.
We did a group show in 2022 and that outreach to the public was a beautiful fulfillment of artistic calling and powerful work in us as a group. I think it’s time to find another venue and theme, but coordinating and curating a show is a huge undertaking. These things, to really shine, are always a labor of love.
Speaking of love, finding and holding unconditional love for one another is key. We come when we can come and bring what we have as-is. This is foundational, and allows us to “pick up where we left off” without expectations. That, I have to say, is a God-thing, and it has staying power. Also, the art we share speaks for itself, and binds us together as beauty always does, smoothing over our differences.
Wow - thank you for sharing! This truly sounds like a most wonderful support group you have founded and sustained. Peco resonates with what you describe as "homeless as a whole person", as he has frequently experienced this as a writer in the past as well. Your group is of great value and I hope that you'll be able to arrange another group show to share your work with the public. Blessings to you all!
Thank you. That “chance” meeting in the gallery with another Christian visual artist was truly the blessing and the beginning of our larger niche-fit group for misfits. We were talking up venues at our dinner party. Another Creative Call Forum exhibition may be scheduled soon.
Your article, however, challenges me to reach out to neighbors for a social. It amazes me how isolated we are from one another in this last place we’ve settled. In my former neighborhood, there was a summer get together of neighbors that kept the street very stable with many kids growing up and becoming second generation home owners of the places they grew up in. Or they bought next door.
When we rehabbed this house, we opened the floor plan and built a large deck, thinking we could be that kind of host. But everyone is scattered in 1000 directions now, although there is impromptu positive interactions. But actual visiting for three cups of tea has not happened with any neighbor in over 10 years. I’m burdened to pray a bit harder for breakthrough.
Thanks so much for contributing Kristin! You offered valuable insight with your comment about building a liturgical community and I hope it will serve to inspire others to follow in your footsteps:)
Leaving this in my inbox to remind me to share lessons learned after our planned Christmas caroling party later this month!
What a great rundown of ideas for creating intentional community. Where I seem to differ from the norm in these discussions is that I don't really believe in hosting potlucks. I personally love to cook and bake, and happily contribute when I am invited to one, but I have many friends who do not enjoy those activities and I would never want to impose a "chore" on a guest who might enjoy the opportunity to not do the cooking for once. If I need help preparing a spread for a large number of guests, I try to identify one or two willing co-hosts well in advance who can help (I hosted a baby shower this fall and the anticipated baby's grandma split food prep dutiees with me). Of course I always welcome contributions especially of the dessert variety, but I never imply that it's expected. Just my personal hosting preference.
We are hosting a "Twelfth Night" open house this year with some of our more liturgically-minded friends–I realized that all the weekends in December tend to be busy, but the supply of Christmas-y parties dissipates after New Year's– and hope to make this a yearly tradition. I'm hoping to integrate some of the ideas in this post and comments–caroling, read-alouds, and more.
Thanks for sharing Carolyn! I love to cook and bake as well, and when we have just a few guests I love to treat them to a wonderful meal. This year was the first time we invited 30 people, and although I cooked two turkeys, a large ham, potatoes, and three cakes, I still needed some help to ensure that the hungry teenagers would all be fed :) I love your idea of hosting a "Twelfth Night" and am happy that you found some inspring ideas here too. Have a wonderful Christmas!
This is great encouragement! I love all the ideas. A couple of years ago when my husband and I were first married we threw a caroling party on Gaudete Sunday. I was very nervous about it, but it turned out to be such a joyful event, and two of our guests met and were married 8 months later. Now we have gatherings like this much more often, usually to celebrate liturgical holy days that are less celebrated now like all saints. Tomorrow we’re hosting a caroling party again. It’s become a tradition in our community. We usually do potluck style where we make a main dish and other people bring sides and desserts.
Caroling parties are a splendid idea and especially joyful when they result in a marriage match! Now you've inspired me to get the teens together for a caroling walk through the neighbour hood next week :)
Love this, and love being included. You detail some great tips and advice, and I love to see that so many people are doing this. I believe hosting and gathering people together is one of the most real and practical things we can do to spread beauty in our communities. I still actually do this even out of our backpacks -- the call to hospitality never ceases, even when we have no pantry and no dining table to rely on!!
I actually strongly disagree with enforcing the Chatham's house of rules at gatherings for various reasons, but first of all because it feels "woke" to do so. Instead of creating a space where people feel jovial you have to start it off with some "thou shalt nots", and even if people agree with them they feel jilted, judged, and more anxious about everything going forward. I've never been to an event that implements the rules well. However, if you have a gathering that is high trust (even if there are a few strangers that show up), you will experience a natural version of Chatham rules. Perhaps someone will say, "I want to share this in confidence..." and everyone will be more attentive and listen carefully, and cherish those words as if a sacred secret. However, under Chatham House of Rules one makes everything more secretive than it needs to be and then nothing turns out to be all that special. It also kills organic spontaneity, and one will experience the presence of fewer strangers, because now the gathering feels like a cult-club instead of a feast of brethren.
Thanks for that thoughtful comment Keturah! I had added the rule as a suggestion because it was used at the most recent gathering in the Catskills (I had actually never heard of it before). But you make a solid case and I agree that it makes much more sense to develop natural trust instead of a "house rule". It is not something I would have ever suggested at our own gatherings and have thus removed it from the list of considerations. Thanks again :)
This post is just what I've needed. Finally, I've made up my mind to begin my regular dinner gatherings at home. The Saturday Soirée is now one of the things I most excited about in 2025, and I don't think I'll be alone in the feeling once others get to take part in it -- time together around the table, good food and drink, merry conversation, and no phones. I've been craving this!
Wonderful to hear that you felt insprired to make Saturday Soirée a reality. Wishing you all the best for the New Year Joel!
I loved this post! Inviting people to your home is a form of sharing Christ's love, and your thoughts on the feast share that so well.
A few ideas. Every other year or so, we do a "Cocktails and Cookies" party at our home. We invited friends, neighbors by text or email (one day...we'll do paper when I'm organized!). Then my husband makes a batch of cocktails along with beer and wine. We set out some veggie trays and dips along with a few trays of cookies. Then, we ask others to bring a dessert. Kids are most welcome. It forces us to clean up our house that day! Ha. Then, we turn on a fun playlist and let people hangout...we always run out of food and people stay later than we think because they kids are running around. Keep it as easy as you need! People love to be invited and join.
Love that Matisse. It's my favorite of all his works.
A practical suggestion? A big ol' samovar for self-serve coffee or tea.
Another practical but also playful suggestion: something for guests to open together-- it gives a rhythm to the meeting, a simple shared activity for young and old. English tradition is the paper "crackers" (paper tubes that make a cracking sound when opened, with tiny prizes inside). Chinese fortunate cookies will do. Or homemade versions of the same idea. Piñatas are another option, but may require a bit more trouble and expense. And finally, a few songs (e.g. Christmas carols) to sing, with sheet music with lyrics, is something many people enjoy. In my experience, not everyone will abide more than five songs, however.
For over a year now, my hubby and I have hosted monthly Sunday Supper dinners - so fun to have friends just gather for a meal and conversation. We set a theme for the food and we all pitch in. I think we've had one where no one showed up (so we ordered pizza for ourselves) and our biggest was 34 people (our little house was bursting at the seams!). We enjoy it so much that we'll continue on into 2025.
Thanks for sharing Angie! That sounds like a most wonderful practice to continue in the New Year. We recently had over 30 people for a sit-down dinner and it can indeed make a house burst at the seams:)
Finally got around to reading this, and it gave words to a lot of my dissatisfaction with yesterday's celebration, Christmas. My family doesn't feast well. It's not sad, it's just not that engaged, and the primary event is phones, whatever is on TV, or basic conversation while the youngest (my sister) is upstairs hiding in her room and everyone else is 50+. It's not a terrible experience, but after a year away from home with the most active and lively community I've ever had in my life, I finally understand why holidays always felt so flat for me. We don't feast well, and we've never made an effort to. Seems to me that it's now my responsibility to try and cultivate this.
Thanks for adding your reflection Ryan. I hope you'll find some encouragement here and spread some conviviality among those who may not even realize what they are missing. Blessings to you for the New Year!
My first apartment had room for only two pieces of large furniture. I chose a futon and a big (for one person) dining table. The futon I regret, as it made a bad bed as well as a bad couch, but the table was one of my better decision. It became a gathering place for friends, and even when I was alone, it made the apartment feel like a real home. It was real wood, solid and beautiful, brought lovingly by my father in his pickup truck, and you are right, they are expensive — even though I got it second-hand, I have never spent so much on a piece of furniture! When I had more than a few friends, gatherings became “BYOC” — “bring your own chair.” When I married, the table became our family dining table. Sixteen years and five children later, the table shows a lot of wear and abuse… what to do with a worn but well-loved table now that we have a bigger one, I wonder?
Hello there, this time of year again! I seem to remember last year you posted a pdf of an edited Dickens “Christmas Carol” play. Can you point me in the direction of where to find it again please.🙏
I thought this would be fun for my Boys and their cousins to do at Christmas ☺️
Of course! You can find the download as well as a whole host of additional Christmas Carol resources here https://schooloftheunconformed.substack.com/p/for-the-love-of-language-unlocking. Why not add some of the Victorian Parlour games to the fun?:) Merry Christmas!
Oh fun!! Thank you so much. Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones.
My most joyful hosting events are simple, pre-pared so we can all enjoy each other, and either are a full hosting event (No contributions and Please leave the dishes!) or include others' contributions in the form of food or elbow grease. Typically only family events include others' elbow grease. I may try an event that has a theme -- or a discussion piece.
I relished this post and realized precious table time this afternoon in a festive gathering of friends: five Christian visual artists and four spouses. It was a time of rejoicing how this monthly group (attendance ranging from 2 to 12 artists) came to be, over a decade ago. We invite friends and family for a feast in December, and forgo showing our recent artworks and supportive format. For me, the group is a gift from God. But it also was a niche fit for misfits, and that kind of group has staying power, even without divine influence.
How did this group come to be? Two artists were gallery sitting one long afternoon, discussing how we felt homeless as whole persons: we both were church members and members of local professional arts groups, never feeling we could be fully Christian and fully artists in either venue. We knew others from the secular arts groups feeling the same religious restraint who needed the freedom to fully express our Christian calling and be encouraged. A support group was born!
The usual networking was done after we decided on a meeting time. We started at a coffee place but it was too noisy. Now we meet in two homes with large spaces, alternating between Akron and Canton as participants live in both towns. For years I emailed reminders, and have a Facebook page for events, but now group-text monthly reminders and get a better response. The group is also texted when prayer is needed for one of our members, and this allows us to respond and encourage one another between meetings.
We did a group show in 2022 and that outreach to the public was a beautiful fulfillment of artistic calling and powerful work in us as a group. I think it’s time to find another venue and theme, but coordinating and curating a show is a huge undertaking. These things, to really shine, are always a labor of love.
Speaking of love, finding and holding unconditional love for one another is key. We come when we can come and bring what we have as-is. This is foundational, and allows us to “pick up where we left off” without expectations. That, I have to say, is a God-thing, and it has staying power. Also, the art we share speaks for itself, and binds us together as beauty always does, smoothing over our differences.
Wow - thank you for sharing! This truly sounds like a most wonderful support group you have founded and sustained. Peco resonates with what you describe as "homeless as a whole person", as he has frequently experienced this as a writer in the past as well. Your group is of great value and I hope that you'll be able to arrange another group show to share your work with the public. Blessings to you all!
Thank you. That “chance” meeting in the gallery with another Christian visual artist was truly the blessing and the beginning of our larger niche-fit group for misfits. We were talking up venues at our dinner party. Another Creative Call Forum exhibition may be scheduled soon.
Your article, however, challenges me to reach out to neighbors for a social. It amazes me how isolated we are from one another in this last place we’ve settled. In my former neighborhood, there was a summer get together of neighbors that kept the street very stable with many kids growing up and becoming second generation home owners of the places they grew up in. Or they bought next door.
When we rehabbed this house, we opened the floor plan and built a large deck, thinking we could be that kind of host. But everyone is scattered in 1000 directions now, although there is impromptu positive interactions. But actual visiting for three cups of tea has not happened with any neighbor in over 10 years. I’m burdened to pray a bit harder for breakthrough.
Ohhh my goodness, so much beautiful food for thought here. Thank you for the invitation to share, and for networking all these other inspiring ideas.
Thanks so much for contributing Kristin! You offered valuable insight with your comment about building a liturgical community and I hope it will serve to inspire others to follow in your footsteps:)