This post is SO encouraging to me. I live in North Texas -- the epitome of urban sprawl. If you don't have a car, you can't go anywhere. Obviously, I'd love to live in Switzerland, but I don't. I live in suburbia right outside of the city. What made this post so impactful to me is the last point: how you live in community within a built environment antithetical to it.
In my first Substack series, I've been exploring the problem of ugly urban architecture (how it's becoming more prevalent, and what that means for our lives and communities) and searching for the answer of how to fix it. I haven't gotten to the practicalities of solutions yet, but your points here will probably find a way into it.
I plan to show your post to my husband, and hopefully we can find a way to work this into our daily routine more. We're both desperate for a more connected lifestyle -- more connected to our neighbors, to nature, to life itself. I want practical solutions -- this is one of the first posts I've seen that offer some. Again, thank you.
Glad to hear you found encouragement in this post Ren :) We lived in suburbia for fifteen years, and while it started out as a place that seemed ugly and desolate to me, we came to love it as our home. One of the sayings that Peco and I have is "people over place", which reminds us that we can build community wherever we are. This simple shift of heart can make a profound difference.
"People over place" is why I'm still here, I think. We live right next door to my brother and sister-in-law. We built a gate in-between our two backyard fences. Our baby girls will grow up alongside each other. During the pandemic, I was never more thankful for our decision to move next to each other. Even as I try to figure out how to move us toward a life more connected to nature, I'm trying to do so in a way where I can be sure to drag them along with me. :)
That said, I also have an extreme desire to improve the area that I'm living in while I'm living in it. I want to get to know my neighbors. I love my city, even with all that's wrong with it. I want to see it thrive. I'm just often at a loss for how. Your post, though, makes it seem more possible, more approachable, if I'm willing to engage.
In our suburb, we lived around the corner from our eldest daughter and her family- the only grandkids at the time. We were deeply involved in their lives. When we moved (for my spouse's health), they were teens and tweens and growing out of that
phase of their lives, so it was not quite the wrench it could have been.
I find, as per the topic of this substack, that technology can drive a wedge not just between us and the outside world, but between generations. We can connect quickly, but not as deeply.
We came from the Metroplex ourselves to the tiny town now live in.
In the years we have lived here we have heard the same story over and over: "We lived in (big city name here) for years, but it got to be too much, too big, too expensive, etc. We love living here and would never move back."
Granted, almost all of us saying that are elderly, but it is a constant theme.
The striking thing about life here is the interlocked web of acquaintances you make. In our suburban life, we knew a lot of people, but they were in discrete groups, with little overlap.
Here, you can find some sort of connection with almost everyone you meet.
That is such an interesting point about the interlocking nature of small communities versus the pull towards homogenous acquaintance groups in suburbia/larger communities. Never thought of that before but it makes total sense. I am a member of a small church and the dynamics are similar. I have friends that are 50 years older than me and friends which are 20 years younger.
Intergenerationalism/social mixing is a good mark of a healthy community that is more likely to be passing down wisdom, folklore, and place-based knowledge from one generation to the next, and can help each age group identify its blind spots and weaknesses.
I always walk if it’s 2 miles or less. One of the ways we fight against the machine is to embrace our embodiedness. That said its a hard and narrow way, I frankly was deeply deeply troubled how swiftly folk moved to video community’ during COVID. The sense of the metaxu, the fabric of existence was so very very thin, a consequence of the hyper materialism of our age which seeks at best to separate out the Spirit of our Being.
My biggest complaint about churches in our area is that they are largely age-segregated! I've finally found one that has a wider range with a pastor I respect, but it took me literally a decade.
That's just right: all of my friends are "grouped." I'll never forget my recent birthday party where I brought these groups together; the awkwardness was palpable -- HA! Talk about a lack of common ground. It's my hope that as our cities continue to develop, the push towards greater overlap becomes the norm, not the exception.
Something I have often thought is making the decision to do a journey by car which could be done by foot is to make a decision that removes the possibility of conviviality with neighbours, removes the possibility of greeting, and removes the possibility of stoping and helping passers-by. Sometimes, the thought that my choice for convenience is depriving others of community is the impetus needed to inconvenience myself and use my two feet (which almost always turns out to be a joy). This isn't to say that it is wrong to travel by car, but walking is often better.
Yes, my feelings exactly! Walking the same path you would usually travel by car also gives the added perspective of "true distance", which is often warped when we drive. Did you recognize the location of the last photo? It is a trail by Hanenmoos near Adelboden :)
To be quoted in a piece by a Gaskovski is truly an honour.
Thank you for this reminder, Ruth. It seems that in this area as in so many others, it is all too easy to think that the task at hand is simply too large, that we obviously cannot change the whole world, so we might as well consent to the way that it is. In doing this, we miss the beauty of being a contributing member of our own community. I believe it was Charles Spurgeon who said, "Little strokes fell lofty oaks." How could I hope to create a world of commonality and friendship, if I am not willing even to talk to my next door neighbour? Truly, it begins with where we are.
Happy to have added your reflections Joel :) Every task, no matter the size, seems to start simply at the kitchen table, our own door step, or the person next door.
I really appreciate your commentary on how you have tried to live in this community-oriented way even in a subdivision context, and how that has borne fruit. As you and I have discussed before, there is a lot you can do through your own lifestyle to create walkability and a friendly neighborhood community, and to start that ball rolling for others. Just going outside is a powerful antidote to atomization. Sure, we might not have perfect settings for porch/stoop-sitting or great, walkable neighborhoods, but the first step is to go outside and create some opportunities to encounter people. Sometimes it seems to me that when you do this with commitment, people start to come out of the woodwork -- neighbors and others start to emerge and appear with some of the same desires for contact as you have.
Thanks for adding your reflections Dixie! I was actually looking through your posts to as I know you have written about community building as well, but could not find your neighbourhood ramble...I wonder whether you would have some advice for one of the reader's who asked about how to approach this if you live in a neighbourhood without sidewalks/isolated. I'll add my thoughts later today but am sure you might have helpful ideas as well :)
I am planning to write an essay about finding walkability in your neighborhood, but just haven't gotten to it yet. I will tag you when I finally get around to it! Had it in mind for Hearth & Field, but I find myself swamped with editing work instead!
Oh, you may also have been thinking of this piece -- I address solving problems of walkability directly in the second half of this essay, and talk about how we've found ways to walk without good sidewalks: https://thehollow.substack.com/p/free-range-kids-attachment-and-fear
Really interesting post, and one with ideas I would like to emulate. What would you suggest when a family (like mine) lives on a street with no walkable spaces/very narrow roads? It’s the one downside of us having moved to a more country/set apart area from the suburbia we were in-we’re more isolated and without the sidewalks to walk to neighbors houses, let alone grocery stores etc.
Good question Elise! This is a challenge that many families share and Dixie has some great suggestions that she discusses in her articles. I agree, that sometimes it might be necessary to drive somewhere where you can access a walkable space regularly. We used to drive to a nearby village that had a lake, cafe, library, and walking paths that became part of our "extended" neighbourhood.
That is one thing we are lucky enough to have in New England, a lot of cute towns/areas in driving distance. Including them as our extended neighborhood is such a great perspective to have
Hi Elise! This is indeed a problem. We live just on the edge of town, so we've had to be creative about this and also have had to stretch ourselves in terms of the distances we walk. I wrote a little bit about trying to get around such infrastructural problems in a recent piece on free range kids here, but it applies to families walking together, too: https://thehollow.substack.com/p/free-range-kids-attachment-and-fear
I've also found it can be good just to plant yourself somewhere regularly for a couple of hours as a family -- a coffee shop or the library, for example -- and see what happens. Even if you have to drive there, you can become regulars and develop really rewarding, neighborly relationships and become a bigger part of community life that way.
Thanks! This past weekend I saw a father and his 12-ish-year old son playing Carcassonne at a coffee shop. I thought that was a great idea -- I'm hoping to try it with my kids! I often think of a coffee shop as a place to go *work* by myself, or maybe meet a friend. But maybe the whole family could hang out there, if we planned it right?
I appreciate this piece so much. The kind of common ground you describe is something I have often longed for my in own community. I also live in suburban sprawl in order to be close to a loving but spread out community of family and friends.
However, I have a sincere and difficult question. I am chronically ill/disabled and largely housebound. I can’t walk anywhere, and can rarely drive myself. I can only get out into my community on days that I feel very well and can be accompanied by my husband or a friend, often with them pushing my wheelchair.
But, I don’t want to read something like this and think “well this doesn’t apply to me”. I long to nurture this as well. I long for this in my community even more now that I am more limited. I think it would feel less isolated to live in one of the Swiss neighborhoods you describe.
But how does someone like me cultivate this kind of common ground? And how does some like me be included in communities like this?
Your question is a good one, Sterling, and not easy to answer. I have a bit of experience working with people with chronic conditions, so I’ll share my thoughts briefly, for what it’s worth. This isn’t therapeutic advice, just a few basic considerations.
With chronic illness/conditions, just managing the condition is obviously a huge part of life, whether it’s keeping symptoms from getting aggravated, conserving energy, mobility issues, or whatever the particular challenge is. In terms of your specific question, there is maybe a more fundamental question about how individuals with chronic conditions simply get out of the house and try and function (in whatever capacity) in their community.
Assuming you are able to get out a bit, whether to a store or a café, that itself may have value, as individuals with chronic conditions or disability are often unseen or invisible to others. So, while it might sound simplistic, even this limited social contact with others—being seen and known by them, even briefly through conversation and interaction—may itself contribute to building common ground (while also hopefully being rewarding in its own right). The alternative, if you cannot get out at all (or almost not at all) is strengthening the relationships you have, and trying in gradual ways to extend your connections. The forging of new social relationships, whether new acquaintances or perhaps new friends, seems to me the biggest part of building common ground.
Switzerland is a small place, and so people often can’t help socially rubbing up against each other. In bigger places, we tend to spread out; so the search for common ground in these places means, in many cases, trying to move a little closer, and seeing whether others are responsive to us. If not, that’s fine. We can just try again in another time or place.
I’m encouraged by your concept of simply being seen as a way to build common ground. When I use my wheelchair I draw more attention than I’m comfortable with, but from this perspective I can see it building common ground by simply communicating “I’m here too! I exist.”
Nurturing friendships is something I choose to spend a lot of my limited energy on. I share your views on friendships being such an important part of this. It encourages me to think that continuing what I’m doing is making a difference in the community around me.
Is there a way to inquire in your existing network as to who else is almost housebound who is not so far away? That is something I am interested in doing because I am aware that there must be many more housebound people than we all think. If you had an outdoor bench for others that would be ideal because then it's not about the house or keeping up on dusting.
Would a conversation piece help create small interactions? Do you have a favorite or beautiful thing, like a lawn ornament collection, or some low maintenance plants, or a cheerful window display of some kind? Anything that you enjoy but also a low barrier topic for a short conversation.
I offer these in good faith. Disability varies so much that it is impossible to know. I relate to you more than the urban examples. The part about "the family who walks" was the highlight of this piece for me. So much of the urban aspect described here has been ruined for me by the awareness of drugs, and I wish others a better experience.
Thank you for the thoughtful response, Hope. I love your ideas of creating a front porch type of space that invites interaction. Unfortunately, where I live my front door does not face the road, so no one comes by that way. But, it’s something I’ll think about - just being visible outside sometimes!
When I first started talking with people in the UK about home education and building intentional communities, one of the frequent questions I received was, “aren’t you worried it could become like a cult, cut off from the world?” My response was always that I thought it would be very difficult for that to happen here, precisely for many of the same reasons you point out in this article! The UK is small: you have to “bump up against” other people in daily life in a way that just isn’t the same in many places in the US. Public transport, small roads… even grocery stores and restaurants are smaller- you really can’t avoid other people.
I remember returning to the US after a year in Italy: I was shocked by how much space there was between tables at restaurants, and how many empty tables there were. I could eat an entire meal without having to say “excuse me” to try and squeeze past another person. The physical spaces we inhabit shape our behaviours and interactions.
Thanks for adding these reflections Kerri :) I very much resonate with your points, especially "The physical spaces we inhabit shape our behaviours and interactions". Our yearly visits in Switzerland feel like a reset button to me. While there, we have no car and walk around town and the countryside most of the day, and in the process encounter lots of people we would otherwise simply drive past. I stay together with our three children (aged 12 to 18) in the living room of my mother's tiny apartment (Peco stays with my brother and sister-in-law nearby so that he can continue to work at times while we are there). Having to share this tiny space (and a single bathroom) with each other requires immense patience but also serves to bring us closer together again. We spend time chatting after the lights are out, giggling about stories from the past or daily events, something you simply can't do when each person has their own room.
That last part - exactly how I felt after moving from a few month-long stint in NYC to central Missouri. I had got used to walking so much, having ready access to many small shops wherever I was, navigating public transit, constantly bumping up against and being among other people (and honestly the bad, polluted air), etc...... I could not help feeling shocked at all the fresh air! All the space! All the quiet! All the car riding! Granted, NYC is extreme in many ways, but I at least have a tangible frame of reference for another way of living that I wouldn't otherwise have.
Such beautiful suggestions! Thankfully, the need to get back into nature and add more offline time to one’s day seems to be more and more often expressed by people these days. I think we’ve all had a little too much of the online world, especially during the pandemic. Kudos to you for contributing to getting people off their butts!
Loved this, and so glad you had such a wonderful time in Switzerland. Your words resonate very much with me having just come back from visiting family in Italy, and being so struck by the tradition of the Italian “passeggiata”, when all generations are out walking, meeting one another, together. So beautiful. I always come back wondering how I can bring elements of that approach home to the UK. So lovely to find you in my inbox this morning!
I had the same feeling when I moved to Canada - missing the public spaces where everyone mingles (and I don't mean the mall, although that seems to be the nearest equivalent here). I simply started walking wherever we were and was surprised how much connections this did bring, even when people are a lot more sparse.
Your ambition is an excellent one, to which we should all subscribe. I grew up an only child in the wilds of Africa, so 'urbanisation' is antithetical to me; but equally I find it hard to socialise in the small ways you describe. Nonetheless, I try. My wife and I live now in a very pretty old house with a big garden, a mile from the nearest village. We are blessed with a small dog, a cat and three adult, employed children who we see on average once a week; and maintain good relations with our neighbours, but have to work to see each other, since each is set back from the road and our only quotidian encounters are with those of them who walk their dogs. Otherwise, we pass each other in our cars, or watch the delivery trucks come and go with Amazon parcels. Getting together for a drink or meal is lovely, but even better would be daily encounters. I am also chained to my PC much of the time, plus many hours in the garden - enjoyable but asocial. We do walk to the village when time allows, and we know and chat to the few remaining shop-keepers; but sadly the big supermarkets further out have - together with internet shopping - sucked up much of what used to be 'Swiss' interaction. Nonetheless, you inspire me to keep trying: Hildreth's (our local garden centre/hardware store) celebrated its 400th birthday last year, and is still going strong, so there is always hope; and helping charities brings a little contact.
Thanks so much for adding your perspective! The scene you describe with watching Amazon delivery trucks pass reminded me of what I observed yesterday while driving past a retirement residence. An elderly couple was sitting in wheelchairs at the edge of the parking lot, watching the traffic go by, car after car, as if it were a tennis match. It seems that even if we try, our environment can prevent us from the interactions we would like to have. I am happy that this piece offered some inspiration and do believe that whatever little interactions any of us have, serve to keep our human fabric alive. Also, I looked up Hildreth's which seems to be a splendid place to have nearby (more stores should include cafes:).
I love this article so much and it all rings so true. It reminded me of that great Kurt Vonnegut story—
[Vonnegut tells his wife he’s going out to buy an envelope]
“Oh, she says well, you’re not a poor man. You know, why don’t you go online and buy a hundred envelopes and put them in the closet? And so I pretend not to hear her. And go out to get an envelope because I’m going to have a hell of a good time in the process of buying one envelope. I meet a lot of people. And, see some great looking babes. And a fire engine goes by. And I give them the thumbs up. And, and ask a woman what kind of dog that is. And, and I don’t know. The moral of the story is, is we’re here on Earth to fart around. And, of course, the computers will do us out of that. And, what the computer people don’t realize, or they don’t care, is we’re dancing animals. You know, we love to move around. And, we’re not supposed to dance at all anymore.”
Thank you I think you're right. I live in an area of London where I've made a concerted effort to know my community, inspired by Susan Pinker's book The Village Effect.
On my street, there's a friend who picks up litter each day, and people often stop to chat with him. Living in an urban environment where people tend to stick to their own groups, I make it a point to venture into places where I’m the only outsider, and I go at the same times to see the same faces. I also engage in projects alongside others. Its too to try and start running street parties and events.
I know this approach isn't possible everywhere, but Jane Jacobs' observation about the stoop being a space that is neither inside nor outside is spot on and I wonder what steps we can make to introduce those types of spaces.
I'm also working on an animated sitcom where the hero, a Jazz-playing Cow, defends his close-knit community from the imposing world of big tech algorithms. This theme has made me think a lot about the design of his environment.
Thanks for adding your perspective John and for mentioning Jane Jacobs, who certainly had a lot of insight into creating community in cramped cities. Intriguing sitcom...curious to see the result :)
I live in a suburban community in the Rocky Mountain region, and while I have many of the disadvantages of suburbia noted above, I also benefit from a pretty good bike/walking trail system, close access to natural spaces and parks, and living in a condo community where the homes are literally connected and front doors are not far (plus, we have the communal space of a pool). I try to hang on to those good things and take advantage as much as I can: I bike to work (so preferable to driving, as I get to wave & greet people and feel the air on my face, rather than grumble behind the wheel), I walk in the area a lot and make a point of greeting people as they pass, and I introduce myself to my neighbors at every opportunity. It's made things better for me since I live alone, and although I still drive plenty (to church and to get groceries/run errands) I find it's tolerable since I limit my trips.
On a completely separate note, Ruth: I have been invited by a friend to attend the Basel tennis tournament later this year (October). Have you been, and would you recommend it? Is it easy to get to Basel by train from a place with a larger airport, like Geneva? Where does one seek good lodging in Basel as a visitor? I welcome pointers!
Thanks for adding your perspective :) That sounds like a most splendid invitation! We have never actually attended the Basel tournament, but Peco in particular recalls when Roger Federer was advertised there for the first time and we both wondered "who in the world is this guy...?" Basel being Roger's hometown, it is the most perfect place to watch some tennis. Basel is very well connected by train (around a one hour ride from Zurich and a three hour + ride from Geneva). I would likely try an AirB&B for accommodation. Also, you can get great food at the main grocery stores (Migros or Coop) and any bakery and thus skip the expensive restaurants. Be sure to visit the Munster cathedral and take advantage of some of the excellent museums (which are free the last hour of the day). All the best :)
Thank you for these thoughts. There is so much here to ponder. I live in a small intentional community just outside a small town in the Western Cape, South Africa. We have neighbours from all different social and economic backgrounds. This comes with its own challenges, but I've never before lived anywhere that I know so many of my neighbours, and my thinking has been shifted in important ways by living in close proximity to people whose lives and perspectives are different from my own. Last week we had flooding here. We were one of the households affected, and seeing the whole community come together, helping each other out - across lines that are often not crossed in our broader society - was very special.
Thanks for sharing your experience Carri :) The true value of neighbours does indeed revealed itself when people have to pull together as you describe here (I have only experienced the snow version of your story while living in Newfoundland, and everyone had to help shovel each other out to get out of the house...).
Yes, the array of creative bike designs is incredible (they even have one with an extended back rack where two kids can sit holding on to side railings). Life Considered is always a treasure trove and I often find myself saving articles for later reference or reading :)
This post is SO encouraging to me. I live in North Texas -- the epitome of urban sprawl. If you don't have a car, you can't go anywhere. Obviously, I'd love to live in Switzerland, but I don't. I live in suburbia right outside of the city. What made this post so impactful to me is the last point: how you live in community within a built environment antithetical to it.
In my first Substack series, I've been exploring the problem of ugly urban architecture (how it's becoming more prevalent, and what that means for our lives and communities) and searching for the answer of how to fix it. I haven't gotten to the practicalities of solutions yet, but your points here will probably find a way into it.
I plan to show your post to my husband, and hopefully we can find a way to work this into our daily routine more. We're both desperate for a more connected lifestyle -- more connected to our neighbors, to nature, to life itself. I want practical solutions -- this is one of the first posts I've seen that offer some. Again, thank you.
Glad to hear you found encouragement in this post Ren :) We lived in suburbia for fifteen years, and while it started out as a place that seemed ugly and desolate to me, we came to love it as our home. One of the sayings that Peco and I have is "people over place", which reminds us that we can build community wherever we are. This simple shift of heart can make a profound difference.
"People over place" is why I'm still here, I think. We live right next door to my brother and sister-in-law. We built a gate in-between our two backyard fences. Our baby girls will grow up alongside each other. During the pandemic, I was never more thankful for our decision to move next to each other. Even as I try to figure out how to move us toward a life more connected to nature, I'm trying to do so in a way where I can be sure to drag them along with me. :)
That said, I also have an extreme desire to improve the area that I'm living in while I'm living in it. I want to get to know my neighbors. I love my city, even with all that's wrong with it. I want to see it thrive. I'm just often at a loss for how. Your post, though, makes it seem more possible, more approachable, if I'm willing to engage.
In our suburb, we lived around the corner from our eldest daughter and her family- the only grandkids at the time. We were deeply involved in their lives. When we moved (for my spouse's health), they were teens and tweens and growing out of that
phase of their lives, so it was not quite the wrench it could have been.
I find, as per the topic of this substack, that technology can drive a wedge not just between us and the outside world, but between generations. We can connect quickly, but not as deeply.
Certainly agree.
We came from the Metroplex ourselves to the tiny town now live in.
In the years we have lived here we have heard the same story over and over: "We lived in (big city name here) for years, but it got to be too much, too big, too expensive, etc. We love living here and would never move back."
Granted, almost all of us saying that are elderly, but it is a constant theme.
The striking thing about life here is the interlocked web of acquaintances you make. In our suburban life, we knew a lot of people, but they were in discrete groups, with little overlap.
Here, you can find some sort of connection with almost everyone you meet.
That is such an interesting point about the interlocking nature of small communities versus the pull towards homogenous acquaintance groups in suburbia/larger communities. Never thought of that before but it makes total sense. I am a member of a small church and the dynamics are similar. I have friends that are 50 years older than me and friends which are 20 years younger.
Intergenerationalism/social mixing is a good mark of a healthy community that is more likely to be passing down wisdom, folklore, and place-based knowledge from one generation to the next, and can help each age group identify its blind spots and weaknesses.
I always walk if it’s 2 miles or less. One of the ways we fight against the machine is to embrace our embodiedness. That said its a hard and narrow way, I frankly was deeply deeply troubled how swiftly folk moved to video community’ during COVID. The sense of the metaxu, the fabric of existence was so very very thin, a consequence of the hyper materialism of our age which seeks at best to separate out the Spirit of our Being.
My biggest complaint about churches in our area is that they are largely age-segregated! I've finally found one that has a wider range with a pastor I respect, but it took me literally a decade.
That's just right: all of my friends are "grouped." I'll never forget my recent birthday party where I brought these groups together; the awkwardness was palpable -- HA! Talk about a lack of common ground. It's my hope that as our cities continue to develop, the push towards greater overlap becomes the norm, not the exception.
Hi, Ren. Here are two great YouTube channels. The first has a website and I'm sure the second has, as well:
1. The National Civic Art Society
2. The Aesthetic City
Thanks, Bobby! I'll certainly check these out.
Excellent piece, Ruth and Peco.
Something I have often thought is making the decision to do a journey by car which could be done by foot is to make a decision that removes the possibility of conviviality with neighbours, removes the possibility of greeting, and removes the possibility of stoping and helping passers-by. Sometimes, the thought that my choice for convenience is depriving others of community is the impetus needed to inconvenience myself and use my two feet (which almost always turns out to be a joy). This isn't to say that it is wrong to travel by car, but walking is often better.
Yes, my feelings exactly! Walking the same path you would usually travel by car also gives the added perspective of "true distance", which is often warped when we drive. Did you recognize the location of the last photo? It is a trail by Hanenmoos near Adelboden :)
Ha! No i didn't, I have only seen it in thick snow. Amazing how much the landscape changes through the seasons.
To be quoted in a piece by a Gaskovski is truly an honour.
Thank you for this reminder, Ruth. It seems that in this area as in so many others, it is all too easy to think that the task at hand is simply too large, that we obviously cannot change the whole world, so we might as well consent to the way that it is. In doing this, we miss the beauty of being a contributing member of our own community. I believe it was Charles Spurgeon who said, "Little strokes fell lofty oaks." How could I hope to create a world of commonality and friendship, if I am not willing even to talk to my next door neighbour? Truly, it begins with where we are.
Happy to have added your reflections Joel :) Every task, no matter the size, seems to start simply at the kitchen table, our own door step, or the person next door.
Yes, that is a beautiful, succinct way to put it, Ruth.
Wonderful essay!
I really appreciate your commentary on how you have tried to live in this community-oriented way even in a subdivision context, and how that has borne fruit. As you and I have discussed before, there is a lot you can do through your own lifestyle to create walkability and a friendly neighborhood community, and to start that ball rolling for others. Just going outside is a powerful antidote to atomization. Sure, we might not have perfect settings for porch/stoop-sitting or great, walkable neighborhoods, but the first step is to go outside and create some opportunities to encounter people. Sometimes it seems to me that when you do this with commitment, people start to come out of the woodwork -- neighbors and others start to emerge and appear with some of the same desires for contact as you have.
Thanks for adding your reflections Dixie! I was actually looking through your posts to as I know you have written about community building as well, but could not find your neighbourhood ramble...I wonder whether you would have some advice for one of the reader's who asked about how to approach this if you live in a neighbourhood without sidewalks/isolated. I'll add my thoughts later today but am sure you might have helpful ideas as well :)
I think you might be thinking of the cookie ramble piece -- this one: https://hearthandfield.com/how-and-why-to-take-a-cookie-ramble/
The post is here: https://thehollow.substack.com/p/the-cookie-ramble-a-highly-effective
I am planning to write an essay about finding walkability in your neighborhood, but just haven't gotten to it yet. I will tag you when I finally get around to it! Had it in mind for Hearth & Field, but I find myself swamped with editing work instead!
Thanks for the link- will add it to the "further reading" list. Walkability seems to be in the air!
Thanks, Ruth!
Oh, you may also have been thinking of this piece -- I address solving problems of walkability directly in the second half of this essay, and talk about how we've found ways to walk without good sidewalks: https://thehollow.substack.com/p/free-range-kids-attachment-and-fear
Really interesting post, and one with ideas I would like to emulate. What would you suggest when a family (like mine) lives on a street with no walkable spaces/very narrow roads? It’s the one downside of us having moved to a more country/set apart area from the suburbia we were in-we’re more isolated and without the sidewalks to walk to neighbors houses, let alone grocery stores etc.
Good question Elise! This is a challenge that many families share and Dixie has some great suggestions that she discusses in her articles. I agree, that sometimes it might be necessary to drive somewhere where you can access a walkable space regularly. We used to drive to a nearby village that had a lake, cafe, library, and walking paths that became part of our "extended" neighbourhood.
That is one thing we are lucky enough to have in New England, a lot of cute towns/areas in driving distance. Including them as our extended neighborhood is such a great perspective to have
Hi Elise! This is indeed a problem. We live just on the edge of town, so we've had to be creative about this and also have had to stretch ourselves in terms of the distances we walk. I wrote a little bit about trying to get around such infrastructural problems in a recent piece on free range kids here, but it applies to families walking together, too: https://thehollow.substack.com/p/free-range-kids-attachment-and-fear
And then went into it more deeply in this video here: https://thehollow.substack.com/p/free-range-parenting-a-deep-dive
Also about walking as a family here: https://thehollow.substack.com/p/the-cookie-ramble-a-highly-effective
I've also found it can be good just to plant yourself somewhere regularly for a couple of hours as a family -- a coffee shop or the library, for example -- and see what happens. Even if you have to drive there, you can become regulars and develop really rewarding, neighborly relationships and become a bigger part of community life that way.
Thank you for the resources! I can’t wait to dive into them. And I love the idea of choosing a regular place-very doable and a great idea.
Thanks! This past weekend I saw a father and his 12-ish-year old son playing Carcassonne at a coffee shop. I thought that was a great idea -- I'm hoping to try it with my kids! I often think of a coffee shop as a place to go *work* by myself, or maybe meet a friend. But maybe the whole family could hang out there, if we planned it right?
I appreciate this piece so much. The kind of common ground you describe is something I have often longed for my in own community. I also live in suburban sprawl in order to be close to a loving but spread out community of family and friends.
However, I have a sincere and difficult question. I am chronically ill/disabled and largely housebound. I can’t walk anywhere, and can rarely drive myself. I can only get out into my community on days that I feel very well and can be accompanied by my husband or a friend, often with them pushing my wheelchair.
But, I don’t want to read something like this and think “well this doesn’t apply to me”. I long to nurture this as well. I long for this in my community even more now that I am more limited. I think it would feel less isolated to live in one of the Swiss neighborhoods you describe.
But how does someone like me cultivate this kind of common ground? And how does some like me be included in communities like this?
Your question is a good one, Sterling, and not easy to answer. I have a bit of experience working with people with chronic conditions, so I’ll share my thoughts briefly, for what it’s worth. This isn’t therapeutic advice, just a few basic considerations.
With chronic illness/conditions, just managing the condition is obviously a huge part of life, whether it’s keeping symptoms from getting aggravated, conserving energy, mobility issues, or whatever the particular challenge is. In terms of your specific question, there is maybe a more fundamental question about how individuals with chronic conditions simply get out of the house and try and function (in whatever capacity) in their community.
Assuming you are able to get out a bit, whether to a store or a café, that itself may have value, as individuals with chronic conditions or disability are often unseen or invisible to others. So, while it might sound simplistic, even this limited social contact with others—being seen and known by them, even briefly through conversation and interaction—may itself contribute to building common ground (while also hopefully being rewarding in its own right). The alternative, if you cannot get out at all (or almost not at all) is strengthening the relationships you have, and trying in gradual ways to extend your connections. The forging of new social relationships, whether new acquaintances or perhaps new friends, seems to me the biggest part of building common ground.
Switzerland is a small place, and so people often can’t help socially rubbing up against each other. In bigger places, we tend to spread out; so the search for common ground in these places means, in many cases, trying to move a little closer, and seeing whether others are responsive to us. If not, that’s fine. We can just try again in another time or place.
Thank you for a thoughtful response, Peco.
I’m encouraged by your concept of simply being seen as a way to build common ground. When I use my wheelchair I draw more attention than I’m comfortable with, but from this perspective I can see it building common ground by simply communicating “I’m here too! I exist.”
Nurturing friendships is something I choose to spend a lot of my limited energy on. I share your views on friendships being such an important part of this. It encourages me to think that continuing what I’m doing is making a difference in the community around me.
Is there a way to inquire in your existing network as to who else is almost housebound who is not so far away? That is something I am interested in doing because I am aware that there must be many more housebound people than we all think. If you had an outdoor bench for others that would be ideal because then it's not about the house or keeping up on dusting.
Would a conversation piece help create small interactions? Do you have a favorite or beautiful thing, like a lawn ornament collection, or some low maintenance plants, or a cheerful window display of some kind? Anything that you enjoy but also a low barrier topic for a short conversation.
I offer these in good faith. Disability varies so much that it is impossible to know. I relate to you more than the urban examples. The part about "the family who walks" was the highlight of this piece for me. So much of the urban aspect described here has been ruined for me by the awareness of drugs, and I wish others a better experience.
Thank you for the thoughtful response, Hope. I love your ideas of creating a front porch type of space that invites interaction. Unfortunately, where I live my front door does not face the road, so no one comes by that way. But, it’s something I’ll think about - just being visible outside sometimes!
When I first started talking with people in the UK about home education and building intentional communities, one of the frequent questions I received was, “aren’t you worried it could become like a cult, cut off from the world?” My response was always that I thought it would be very difficult for that to happen here, precisely for many of the same reasons you point out in this article! The UK is small: you have to “bump up against” other people in daily life in a way that just isn’t the same in many places in the US. Public transport, small roads… even grocery stores and restaurants are smaller- you really can’t avoid other people.
I remember returning to the US after a year in Italy: I was shocked by how much space there was between tables at restaurants, and how many empty tables there were. I could eat an entire meal without having to say “excuse me” to try and squeeze past another person. The physical spaces we inhabit shape our behaviours and interactions.
Thanks for adding these reflections Kerri :) I very much resonate with your points, especially "The physical spaces we inhabit shape our behaviours and interactions". Our yearly visits in Switzerland feel like a reset button to me. While there, we have no car and walk around town and the countryside most of the day, and in the process encounter lots of people we would otherwise simply drive past. I stay together with our three children (aged 12 to 18) in the living room of my mother's tiny apartment (Peco stays with my brother and sister-in-law nearby so that he can continue to work at times while we are there). Having to share this tiny space (and a single bathroom) with each other requires immense patience but also serves to bring us closer together again. We spend time chatting after the lights are out, giggling about stories from the past or daily events, something you simply can't do when each person has their own room.
That last part - exactly how I felt after moving from a few month-long stint in NYC to central Missouri. I had got used to walking so much, having ready access to many small shops wherever I was, navigating public transit, constantly bumping up against and being among other people (and honestly the bad, polluted air), etc...... I could not help feeling shocked at all the fresh air! All the space! All the quiet! All the car riding! Granted, NYC is extreme in many ways, but I at least have a tangible frame of reference for another way of living that I wouldn't otherwise have.
Such beautiful suggestions! Thankfully, the need to get back into nature and add more offline time to one’s day seems to be more and more often expressed by people these days. I think we’ve all had a little too much of the online world, especially during the pandemic. Kudos to you for contributing to getting people off their butts!
Loved this, and so glad you had such a wonderful time in Switzerland. Your words resonate very much with me having just come back from visiting family in Italy, and being so struck by the tradition of the Italian “passeggiata”, when all generations are out walking, meeting one another, together. So beautiful. I always come back wondering how I can bring elements of that approach home to the UK. So lovely to find you in my inbox this morning!
I had the same feeling when I moved to Canada - missing the public spaces where everyone mingles (and I don't mean the mall, although that seems to be the nearest equivalent here). I simply started walking wherever we were and was surprised how much connections this did bring, even when people are a lot more sparse.
That feeling of connection is wonderful, I know just what you mean.
Your ambition is an excellent one, to which we should all subscribe. I grew up an only child in the wilds of Africa, so 'urbanisation' is antithetical to me; but equally I find it hard to socialise in the small ways you describe. Nonetheless, I try. My wife and I live now in a very pretty old house with a big garden, a mile from the nearest village. We are blessed with a small dog, a cat and three adult, employed children who we see on average once a week; and maintain good relations with our neighbours, but have to work to see each other, since each is set back from the road and our only quotidian encounters are with those of them who walk their dogs. Otherwise, we pass each other in our cars, or watch the delivery trucks come and go with Amazon parcels. Getting together for a drink or meal is lovely, but even better would be daily encounters. I am also chained to my PC much of the time, plus many hours in the garden - enjoyable but asocial. We do walk to the village when time allows, and we know and chat to the few remaining shop-keepers; but sadly the big supermarkets further out have - together with internet shopping - sucked up much of what used to be 'Swiss' interaction. Nonetheless, you inspire me to keep trying: Hildreth's (our local garden centre/hardware store) celebrated its 400th birthday last year, and is still going strong, so there is always hope; and helping charities brings a little contact.
Thanks so much for adding your perspective! The scene you describe with watching Amazon delivery trucks pass reminded me of what I observed yesterday while driving past a retirement residence. An elderly couple was sitting in wheelchairs at the edge of the parking lot, watching the traffic go by, car after car, as if it were a tennis match. It seems that even if we try, our environment can prevent us from the interactions we would like to have. I am happy that this piece offered some inspiration and do believe that whatever little interactions any of us have, serve to keep our human fabric alive. Also, I looked up Hildreth's which seems to be a splendid place to have nearby (more stores should include cafes:).
I love this article so much and it all rings so true. It reminded me of that great Kurt Vonnegut story—
[Vonnegut tells his wife he’s going out to buy an envelope]
“Oh, she says well, you’re not a poor man. You know, why don’t you go online and buy a hundred envelopes and put them in the closet? And so I pretend not to hear her. And go out to get an envelope because I’m going to have a hell of a good time in the process of buying one envelope. I meet a lot of people. And, see some great looking babes. And a fire engine goes by. And I give them the thumbs up. And, and ask a woman what kind of dog that is. And, and I don’t know. The moral of the story is, is we’re here on Earth to fart around. And, of course, the computers will do us out of that. And, what the computer people don’t realize, or they don’t care, is we’re dancing animals. You know, we love to move around. And, we’re not supposed to dance at all anymore.”
What a pefectly fitting passage!
Thank you I think you're right. I live in an area of London where I've made a concerted effort to know my community, inspired by Susan Pinker's book The Village Effect.
On my street, there's a friend who picks up litter each day, and people often stop to chat with him. Living in an urban environment where people tend to stick to their own groups, I make it a point to venture into places where I’m the only outsider, and I go at the same times to see the same faces. I also engage in projects alongside others. Its too to try and start running street parties and events.
I know this approach isn't possible everywhere, but Jane Jacobs' observation about the stoop being a space that is neither inside nor outside is spot on and I wonder what steps we can make to introduce those types of spaces.
I'm also working on an animated sitcom where the hero, a Jazz-playing Cow, defends his close-knit community from the imposing world of big tech algorithms. This theme has made me think a lot about the design of his environment.
Thanks for adding your perspective John and for mentioning Jane Jacobs, who certainly had a lot of insight into creating community in cramped cities. Intriguing sitcom...curious to see the result :)
I live in a suburban community in the Rocky Mountain region, and while I have many of the disadvantages of suburbia noted above, I also benefit from a pretty good bike/walking trail system, close access to natural spaces and parks, and living in a condo community where the homes are literally connected and front doors are not far (plus, we have the communal space of a pool). I try to hang on to those good things and take advantage as much as I can: I bike to work (so preferable to driving, as I get to wave & greet people and feel the air on my face, rather than grumble behind the wheel), I walk in the area a lot and make a point of greeting people as they pass, and I introduce myself to my neighbors at every opportunity. It's made things better for me since I live alone, and although I still drive plenty (to church and to get groceries/run errands) I find it's tolerable since I limit my trips.
On a completely separate note, Ruth: I have been invited by a friend to attend the Basel tennis tournament later this year (October). Have you been, and would you recommend it? Is it easy to get to Basel by train from a place with a larger airport, like Geneva? Where does one seek good lodging in Basel as a visitor? I welcome pointers!
Thanks for adding your perspective :) That sounds like a most splendid invitation! We have never actually attended the Basel tournament, but Peco in particular recalls when Roger Federer was advertised there for the first time and we both wondered "who in the world is this guy...?" Basel being Roger's hometown, it is the most perfect place to watch some tennis. Basel is very well connected by train (around a one hour ride from Zurich and a three hour + ride from Geneva). I would likely try an AirB&B for accommodation. Also, you can get great food at the main grocery stores (Migros or Coop) and any bakery and thus skip the expensive restaurants. Be sure to visit the Munster cathedral and take advantage of some of the excellent museums (which are free the last hour of the day). All the best :)
These pointers are greatly appreciated, thanks!
I am honored to be added to the reading list, Ruth! Thank you so kindly.
Thank you for these thoughts. There is so much here to ponder. I live in a small intentional community just outside a small town in the Western Cape, South Africa. We have neighbours from all different social and economic backgrounds. This comes with its own challenges, but I've never before lived anywhere that I know so many of my neighbours, and my thinking has been shifted in important ways by living in close proximity to people whose lives and perspectives are different from my own. Last week we had flooding here. We were one of the households affected, and seeing the whole community come together, helping each other out - across lines that are often not crossed in our broader society - was very special.
Thanks for sharing your experience Carri :) The true value of neighbours does indeed revealed itself when people have to pull together as you describe here (I have only experienced the snow version of your story while living in Newfoundland, and everyone had to help shovel each other out to get out of the house...).
Man, I love those giant front-bucket bikes!! They are so fancy and can see how helpful they would make getting around in certain areas.
Also, I'm happy to see some of my favorite writers linked at the bottom, regarding some recurring wells of interest at Life Considered. :')
Yes, the array of creative bike designs is incredible (they even have one with an extended back rack where two kids can sit holding on to side railings). Life Considered is always a treasure trove and I often find myself saving articles for later reference or reading :)
I just saw one of those double-seater-rack bikes the other day! I was so impressed by this mom who also had a trailer attached to it.